Exile From Life to Find Life

I’ve prayed about this many times. I’ve asked God to remove this feeling for the past couple of years.

It’s at a point now, where I feel I must remove myself from our church and venture out to see what the difference between Life and Dead is.

The past year it’s gotten a lot worse. The church is truly living and abiding in God, and the first traits of this is seen in lives changing, souls being born again. I witness this every year, some drift away, but for every 10 that drifts away, we always have 1 or 2 that find true fellowship and happiness and maintains their spiritual lives with us here at KCBC/Lakewood Central. Yet, I feel like I can’t go on anymore, not here. Not with what I feel like I’ve done to some brothers and sisters. I’ve allowed human emotions and or thoughts to become a stumbling block for both myself and others at church. It’s making me want to stop coming to my own church. It’s a burden I can’t seem to let go of in my mind. I sense it, and it’s not some illusion being conjured up out of some sort of self righteousness or arrogance. I may seem like I’m really nonchalant and unobserving, but it’s so apparent to me, that my constant methods of ignoring this has become too heavy for me to bear any longer. I’m tired of playing ignorant and clueless to certain things.

I gave a testimony awhile back about how doing things contrary to my feelings was my philosophy in maintaining a good spiritual life. Whatever I feel like doing, do the opposite. Whatever seems to go against my feelings, be obedient and take heed. Yet, I can’t seem to discern between the will of God and the will of my flesh or of the world. Something tells me I can be used by God elsewhere or that I can indeed find fellowship at another church, but within the same realm of thought, I can’t shake this feeling of shame in removing myself from a church where I clearly I know there’s LIFE.

We’re having Timothy Fellowship at my house tonight, and I hope this won’t be the last time. Knowing I have these thoughts and feelings going through my mind and heart, I intentionally requested the fellowship be held at my place. I pray that God will reveal something to me tonight, either through the scriptures or the testimony of another brother or sister.

“41Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (matthew 26:41)

We’ll always be of the same church regardless.

Jesus Christ is our church.

God Bless.

Brother Jimmy