It’s a very surreal feeling, laying in your own pool of blood unable to move. I won’t call it an out of body experience, but not being able to feel one whole half of your body makes you realize, you are not who you are in the flesh.
7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.
It’s talking about the Holy Spirit, this “treasure” inside our earthen vessels. I didn’t always have this treasure inside, I only had me, early 20s low life, stupid and mad at the world. I was an idiot who had hatred, resentment, and zero resolve to better myself.
….Absent minded of the bigger picture and always staring at the world through the narrow perceptions of others, of what I saw on TV, the streets, or what I saw through my own failures and self denials derived from insecurities. I was a mess on the inside, which becomes quite palpable to those around you because your lifestyle tends to manifests itself in your appearance. Our earthen vessel, if you will.
My earthen vessel. Since age 12, my body from the inside out had been filled with cigarettes, liquor and pot, among other things, and now here I was laying, blood spewing from a place where I didn’t feel….anything. Literally, the only thing I felt as I lay on the concrete was my shoulders and head, I couldn’t feel my lower body at all. Once I figured out what had happened, I remember thinking as the paramedics started to cut my clothes off with a scissor, “WTH, why do they have to cut my pants and shirt? damn I just bought these last week”. I’m lying on the ground, unable to move, not knowing whether I still had my package and my legs due to the loss of senses in my lower body as a result of having my nerves severed with a knife, and the first concern I have is losing my clothes. The thing is, when you live your life not thinking about the future and just living in the present, you don’t think about things like finishing school, having a family, and or how are you going to go back to work or whether or not you’re still going to be able to reproduce…..you think about….your clothes, how people perceive you at the given moment, all superficial crap. I mean, I could’ve been lying on my death bed at that moment as the crowd was gathered around me, and I’m thinking to myself, I can’t look scared or worried.
Allowing myself to be renewed from the inside, by accepting the gift of God, and attaining this hope has been an inexpressible joy, but joy seems to always be accompanied by chronic pains of struggling with the flesh.
8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—
My mind is in a constant flux of lust, envy, and pride. Yet, I realize it’s when I am pushed on by temptations and talked crapped on by those who hate on me for one reason or another, this is when I realize, it doesn’t matter…..
It doesn’t matter because I choose to take the good with the bad, the blessing with the chastisement, it’s the world I live in. It’s about God being glorified and exalted.
I remember thinking when I regained consciousness after being transported to the hospital from being stabbed in the back in 3 different places, having my spinal cord missed by less than an inch. I thought I was going to go take vengeance, I didn’t give a damn what hood they were with, who the friends were….the only thing on my mind was I made new enemies. I started asking around, heard some things, and I was filled with even more resentment in my heart. In retrospect, I was a complete idiot and I got exactly what I deserved. People by nature are really wicked when you really consider the behavior. We never see ourselves, we only see others. I was 22. I went to a party in Riverside. I got drunk. One of my friends got into a fight. I got into a fight. It became this huge brawl and before I knew what happened, I was laying in my own pool of blood.
Back to the future…..fast forward 6 years, and I’m 28. As I take another glimpse into my past, remembering who I was on the inside or rather what I carried in my heart before accepting Christ, I can’t help but chuckle with gratitude. I point back to this incident in particular because I had built up such a high degree of hatred and anger inside me through this incident for various reasons, one reason being my subsequent discharge from the service, but I think I had to have gone through this to truly be broken before the scriptures when I went to my first retreat with our church.
I still have not regained all the sensitivity in my lower body. Apparently, severed nerves are still a bit of a conundrum in the medical field. I still have spasms from time to time in my left leg, sometimes it’s agonizing, but unlike the person I was 6 years ago, I don’t allow the body of my soul, to despair or curse as this passage shows…..it’s merely an earthen vessel. So once again, F the World and F the body. It’s about the Treasure we have inside.
God Bless.
PS
On a side and gloomy note:
I’ve been at the receiving end of some blatant slander and lies. It’s one thing to make up stories to cover up your own shame, but what’s up with the added personal attacks. If the people actually eat up the bogus crap spewing from the mouth, the only thing you’re doing is stumbling them with your lies. Let’s not place blame on others for your own spiritual failures.
I like hotdogs, but I’m starting to really hate BRATS! how the mind can be twisted....instinct of self preservation? I don't know, just stop trying to make me look bad, it's not working as you may hope.
Brother Jimmy
...I know what i've been, but here in your arms I know what i am.......
when i don't measure up to much in this life, i know i'm a treasure in the arms of Christ.
7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.
It’s talking about the Holy Spirit, this “treasure” inside our earthen vessels. I didn’t always have this treasure inside, I only had me, early 20s low life, stupid and mad at the world. I was an idiot who had hatred, resentment, and zero resolve to better myself.
….Absent minded of the bigger picture and always staring at the world through the narrow perceptions of others, of what I saw on TV, the streets, or what I saw through my own failures and self denials derived from insecurities. I was a mess on the inside, which becomes quite palpable to those around you because your lifestyle tends to manifests itself in your appearance. Our earthen vessel, if you will.
My earthen vessel. Since age 12, my body from the inside out had been filled with cigarettes, liquor and pot, among other things, and now here I was laying, blood spewing from a place where I didn’t feel….anything. Literally, the only thing I felt as I lay on the concrete was my shoulders and head, I couldn’t feel my lower body at all. Once I figured out what had happened, I remember thinking as the paramedics started to cut my clothes off with a scissor, “WTH, why do they have to cut my pants and shirt? damn I just bought these last week”. I’m lying on the ground, unable to move, not knowing whether I still had my package and my legs due to the loss of senses in my lower body as a result of having my nerves severed with a knife, and the first concern I have is losing my clothes. The thing is, when you live your life not thinking about the future and just living in the present, you don’t think about things like finishing school, having a family, and or how are you going to go back to work or whether or not you’re still going to be able to reproduce…..you think about….your clothes, how people perceive you at the given moment, all superficial crap. I mean, I could’ve been lying on my death bed at that moment as the crowd was gathered around me, and I’m thinking to myself, I can’t look scared or worried.
Allowing myself to be renewed from the inside, by accepting the gift of God, and attaining this hope has been an inexpressible joy, but joy seems to always be accompanied by chronic pains of struggling with the flesh.
8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—
My mind is in a constant flux of lust, envy, and pride. Yet, I realize it’s when I am pushed on by temptations and talked crapped on by those who hate on me for one reason or another, this is when I realize, it doesn’t matter…..
It doesn’t matter because I choose to take the good with the bad, the blessing with the chastisement, it’s the world I live in. It’s about God being glorified and exalted.
I remember thinking when I regained consciousness after being transported to the hospital from being stabbed in the back in 3 different places, having my spinal cord missed by less than an inch. I thought I was going to go take vengeance, I didn’t give a damn what hood they were with, who the friends were….the only thing on my mind was I made new enemies. I started asking around, heard some things, and I was filled with even more resentment in my heart. In retrospect, I was a complete idiot and I got exactly what I deserved. People by nature are really wicked when you really consider the behavior. We never see ourselves, we only see others. I was 22. I went to a party in Riverside. I got drunk. One of my friends got into a fight. I got into a fight. It became this huge brawl and before I knew what happened, I was laying in my own pool of blood.
Back to the future…..fast forward 6 years, and I’m 28. As I take another glimpse into my past, remembering who I was on the inside or rather what I carried in my heart before accepting Christ, I can’t help but chuckle with gratitude. I point back to this incident in particular because I had built up such a high degree of hatred and anger inside me through this incident for various reasons, one reason being my subsequent discharge from the service, but I think I had to have gone through this to truly be broken before the scriptures when I went to my first retreat with our church.
I still have not regained all the sensitivity in my lower body. Apparently, severed nerves are still a bit of a conundrum in the medical field. I still have spasms from time to time in my left leg, sometimes it’s agonizing, but unlike the person I was 6 years ago, I don’t allow the body of my soul, to despair or curse as this passage shows…..it’s merely an earthen vessel. So once again, F the World and F the body. It’s about the Treasure we have inside.
God Bless.
PS
On a side and gloomy note:
I’ve been at the receiving end of some blatant slander and lies. It’s one thing to make up stories to cover up your own shame, but what’s up with the added personal attacks. If the people actually eat up the bogus crap spewing from the mouth, the only thing you’re doing is stumbling them with your lies. Let’s not place blame on others for your own spiritual failures.
I like hotdogs, but I’m starting to really hate BRATS! how the mind can be twisted....instinct of self preservation? I don't know, just stop trying to make me look bad, it's not working as you may hope.
Brother Jimmy
...I know what i've been, but here in your arms I know what i am.......
when i don't measure up to much in this life, i know i'm a treasure in the arms of Christ.
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