Single Joy

I just needed to get this off my chest in words because I just play dumb and disinterested to this subject when I’m at church. I think I have become a stumbling block for a few people at our church at certain points. It’s distracting me. It makes me mad that my spiritual life is being distracted by this.

Once you accept the love of Christ, it’s natural and undoubted, you have love for every soul, your eyes have opened to see beyond flesh in loving everyone…anyone. This is even more easily felt within church, amongst brothers and sisters, and within the fellowship. In 2nd Corinthians 6, it states “do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers…”, so it’s only natural I feel companionship and affection for certain people WITHIN church and not out. This is hard for me. I realize there aren’t too many single guys/brothers in my age group at our church. So sadly, single sisters in similar age group are limited in their choices, if in fact they’re looking within church for a suitor…..and I feel sorry. I wish I can witness and bring some better potential suitors to our church for them.

Anyways, it’s an annoying thought that won’t go away and just gets compounded with passing of time, with time it gets more frustrating. It’s like I’m a tourist in Marriageville, Marriedland and all the locals are looking at me strangely. “What’s his problem?”

I love fellowships with the youths, like Timothy and Peter Fellowships because I don’t really think about this, but when I’m with older brothers and sisters or when I attend a church fellowship, I feel all this pressure. I know I have a sister I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my earthen life in companionship and fellowship with, yet, I also have the worldly perceptions that I can’t seem to shake from my heart. In fact, I can pretty much see myself with any and every single sisters in my relative age group. They’re all attractive in their own ways, but most importantly, they have faith in God and they profess of the day they became born again and loves the church first and foremost. There is no greater attraction to me than a person who sacrifices their own desires and walk contrary to their needs and or of their former selves for the sake of Christ in accordance with the scripture. There are so many single sisters that are angelic in both appearance and heart at our church. Their life completely revolves around church aside from work or school. I’ve grown to love our sisters not only in Christ, but a lot of them in the worldly sense as well. It’s not a lust thing. It’s like your best friend you have love for, and I feel like I have a bunch of best friends that I love. Do I necessarily have to pick one to hold hands with though?

The thing with being a brother under Christ at our church is, we have to perceive the soul before the flesh in discerning any possibilities of a worldly relationship that can be formed. This is easy. You have fellowship with them. You get to know them spiritually first, and you realize who you can become “equally yoked” with in forming a relationship. The hard part is sticking with the spiritual discernment. I think we’re all looking for the perfect counterpart. Wanting the best of both worlds. I’m not saying the worldly aspect of all this is unimportant, but it is a whole lot less important than being compatible spiritually. I think I know of a few sisters that I can be spiritually compatible with. I just haven’t put to death my ability to perceive with my flesh completely, to want to make a commitment to any of them. I’m really done with this after this. I feel like I’m spewing words utterly unrelated to the will of God.

So today, I’m proposing myself to stand firmly in Christ and stop thinking about marriage. Just like when I first got saved.

Delight in the Lord, F the Rest. So here’s two middle fingers to marriage and satan….. (sorry, I don’t mean to be profane in my expressions, but I deem it necessary)

Brother jimmy   =/

But Hope Is Not In What I know.....I Hope To Lose Myself For Good

Made Thing

There are times when I meditate on certain passages to help me get through the constant failures of my flesh, but in the past month, I’ve been just singing in my head the lyrics in the song, Heart of Worship. “…You’re looking into my heart, I’m coming back to the heart of worship, and it’s all about you, it’s all about you…Jesus. I’m sorry Lord for the thing I made it, when it’s all about you, it’s all about you Jesus.”

The “thing” I make it.

Making things is what I do. I make paper planes, I make food, I make someone sad, someone mad, someone happy, and someone smile. I make things all day both in my head and in my heart. Things that stick, and things that vanquishes and quickly replaced by other things. Things get stacked and things crumble, they collapse and they are re-made. Things get subtracted, things get added, things get divided and things multiply exponentially. Yet, it’s always hopeless, it’s always without meaning. It’s abstract and it’s concrete. It’s confusing and complex. It’s insomnia. It’s death. It’s the thing. Things. It’s not Jesus.

In my spiritual life, there is only one thing that’s clear. Last night, Brother Gweon delivered the message in the pastor’s absence and shared the passage in Matthew 16 verses 21~24, “ 21 From that time Jesus began to show to His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised the third day. 22 Then Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him, saying, “Far be it from You, Lord; this shall not happen to You!”
23 But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.”

Listening to the message about how we tend to make “things” of men and not things of God was exactly the message I needed to hear last night. As I blabbered up top about the things I make, the precious brain cells, neurons and neurotransmitters that are wasted on meaningless crap.(I’m just recalling words I remember from the Psychology class I took before) Whatever it is, the THING, when it’s not Jesus, it’s always the things of men and not of God. As the brother mentioned, even when it’s out of good intentions, even when it’s because we care, it can still be of Satan and not of God. This is true.

“2 and He was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and His clothes became as white as the light.”

Only thing clear in my spiritual life is the “Transfigured Jesus” who I witnessed and felt in my heart, just as brother Gweon mentioned. This is the only THING I need to make it.

Please God, make me a fool to the ways of the world and keep my heart guarded from the things that are of men. Allow me to please be guided and consider only the will of You and allow me to rely solely upon you for strength. Please guide my heart and mind, my thoughts and my deeds to be used for your will and to come to you in Spirit and in Truth.

Amen.